All I want is sex and good times

Call me callous or brutal or cold or whatever, but I have rules for any woman who wants to get close.

I’m wedded to my job - which is creative and allows me an audience which is what I love. My audience is my life and nothing comes between me and them and possibly never will because I get my buzz from performing and doing my job to the very best of my ability, which is pretty damned good.

So, my ground rules with women are that I’m not going to be anyone’s boyfriend or husband. I’m not going to father any children, and I’m in this for fun, bed when it’s good, meals and shopping and spending, and sharing happy times, but I don’t want bad times or emotional baggage. Give me that and I’m gone. I think that’s pretty fair.

I’ve known a woman for years who falls in beautifully with the rules, because they suit her, too. We go on holiday a few times a year, have bedroom fun at night, and read and sunbathe all day, and share a great meal every evening.

However, recently I met a woman who I told the rules to, and who I thought had understood them. She appeared to be strong, brilliant at her job in the same industry and we could have a laugh and some great times. BUT she can’t stop breaking the rules.

From the first night in the sack she texted me telling me she loved me. It sent a cold shiver down my spine.

Then I arrange to go on holiday with my pal and bed-fellow, who understands the rules, and Bunny Boiler is suddenly incensed because I didn’t tell her I was going away with someone else. Why should I? It’s my life and she knows the rules. The other night, after a lovely 5 star meal and a night in a decent hotel, she throws a wobbly, keeps insisting she loves me, appears to want me to father a child for her, and sends me texts every five minutes. She’s toast. Gone. She doesn’t understand that I just don’t want or need it. Am I right or wrong?

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Barbara says: Both. You’re right in that you’ve been honest, you’re wrong in that 90 per cent of women just won’t “get” it, no matter how often you say it. To them that’s just a challenge. Every woman thinks she can change the man she fancies. And every woman is wrong.

You can’t change a bloke who has rigid ideas, even if you fancy him to bits. You’re not going to make him soft and warm and melt in your arms. Come on too strong and some men will walk away - and hey, if they do, that’s because he wasn’t the right guy for you.

Women can be too needy. Men can be too fixated. These are extremes which prove a point. The point is that if you take a size 8 shoe, a size 4 isn’t going to get you to the party. If you both take a size 8, you have a better chance.