Brother’s banned me from seeing nephew because I’m gay

It’s taken me a while to write to you, because I’m in bits. But this is what it’s all about, OK?

We’re not the most functional family in the world. My parents have passed away, my mum with cancer only five years ago, and, as I’d cared for her, right to the end, I went off to Spain to find a new life, which didn’t work out, so I came back.

My younger brother is in rehab, where he’s doing OK, and I’ve done everything that could have been expected. Then there’s my older brother. He just sits on my life like a toad. He disapproves of everything I do, but he does nothing to help.

But, over the Christmas/New Year period, he decided to do something. I don’t know whether he’d had something to drink, although I doubt it, as he’s got himself involved with a fundamentalist church. He told me to stay away from his seven-year-old son, and never contact him again.

This kid and I are good mates. We talk on the phone all the time. I adore him and he makes me laugh, and he’s one of the brightest people in my universe. We share technology, chat about games and iPhones, love the same music, and he’s a total inspiration to me.

I’ll never have kids. Now my brother has banned me from talking to or contacting my funny nephew. The reason? I’m gay. I’ve been gay all my life. He’s now decided that because I’m gay I’m going to pervert or make a move on my darling nephew. As if! I’m not even a mincer. I’m a pretty straight-acting gay man and very private about my private life. It’s no one else’s business, and I upset no one. I’m not even in a relationship.

But what has deeply upset me, and I know that many other gay guys, particularly those in their 40s and 50s will tune into, is that my brother apparently assumes that because I’m gay, I must be a paedophile. How sick is that?

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My love/sex life isn’t directed towards little kids. Paedophilia isn’t a part of my personal life which is private and protected. I don’t want anyone to know about my relationships – and why should they? Do heterosexual people go on all the time about sex? Of course not. Can heterosexual people be paedophile? Yes, of course.

There are better things to talk about than your sexual proclivities. I feel sick, hurt, and don’t know where I go next. Why is my brother doing this?

Barbara says: He’s doing it to hurt you. Simple as. Don’t take it to heart, it’s just his craziness. It’s just, possibly, his guilt that he didn’t look after his mum, which he should have done, as the eldest usually takes the strain.

Be safe and secure in your own body, mind and heart. As for getting back with your nephew, that will happen, believe me. It will come from the child. Please try to wait. Families, eh?