His morning urges are wearing me out

We’ve been married for almost two years, and everything’s going well, apart from one thing. My husband wants to make love first thing in the morning.

I’m not really up for it. He just wants to turn to me the moment he wakes up and that’s it. This is before he’s been to the bathroom and before he’s cleaned his teeth. I’m not complaining too much, because it’s always fine, but what I miss is the deep and brilliant snogging which is the thing that turns me on.

He’s got overnight breath, and so have I, and it’s a real turnoff. And then, afterwards, as he races to the bathroom to have a shower and clean his teeth, I’m left lying there wanting another hour or two of sleep.

I don’t know whether other women are like me, but sex really does make me sleepy, and I need to recover and have some sweet dreams, but if I do that, I’ll be late for work.

So I go to work each morning exhausted, and it’s a struggle to get through the day. My supervisor has asked me if I’m poorly, although I’m just whacked out. And no matter how often I arrange a nice session at bedtime, or before, and keep telling him that this is what I prefer, he’s still rampant first thing the next morning and can’t help himself.

Much more of this and I’ll be worn to a frazzle!

Barbara says: Most men wake up with an urge to go for it. Sometimes this is because their bladder is full, which has an effect on what they believe to be a desperate desire to make love. Sometimes it’s because they’ve been having arousing dreams, which often occur in the half hour or so before waking. So, where do we go from here?

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My advice is to negotiate a deal. Full love-making at night, and alternative helpful ways you can release his urge in the morning is the way to deal with this.