Horrified about grandad’s groping

I don’t know what to do. I’m 18, at uni, and have a great crowd of friends.

Most, like me are of Asian descent, and we’re all good girls, even if we do have a few too many from time to time and have to sneak up to bed without our parents knowing.

I always bring my friends home. We have a huge happy family. My mum and dad are the best in the world, always on my side, and although they had to shell out loads for my oldest brother to do a medical degree, they’ve been wonderful in supporting me to go for a psychology degree, and they’re even encouraging my younger brother and sisters to learn from our example and do well academically.

I know how hard it is for them. We live with my dad’s parents who are just as kind and our house is always an open house. There’s always food on the go. And my mum and dad are so welcoming and there’s always room for two or three of my friends when food is cooked and served by my mum, and my grandma.

But in the last few months, some friends have stopped calling round, or refused my invitations to pop in. It’s like they’re avoiding me, and I hadn’t got a clue why. I thought it was me.

In the end I had a showdown with my best friend who hasn’t been to ours for months, and after hours of me asking what I’d done wrong, she finally told me that it wasn’t me, it was my grandad, and she totally broke down.

She said he’d tried to touch her. I didn’t believe it. He’s an old man of 68, and he’s so right and proper. But because she insisted, I called in the other friends who’d been giving excuses about not wanting to come round, and they all said the same thing, that my lovely grandad had come on to them, big time, wanting kisses, and touches.

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I’m devastated. I know that my grandad and grandma aren’t sleeping together. Grandma sleeps in the same room as my youngest sisters. I thought that was because she was, in a way, the person who’d cared for them since they were born and so wanted to keep an eye on them. Grandad sleeps in a bedroom with my brothers.

Until all my friends pointed this out, I’d never though it was strange that they didn’t sleep in the same bed. But now, I’m wondering. They don’t have much to do with each other. My father is their only child. Could it be that grandma and granddad don’t have a close relationship? Why?

I don’t understand a lot about sex, but is my grandad a pervert? Why is he trying to force himself on my friends? I can’t get my head round this.

Barbara says: You should talk over these issues with your uni counsellor, first. It seems that there might be something to think about here. But if you’ve talked it over with your friends, and know the score, maybe your counsellor will help you to find ways to tell your mum and dad. Maybe they already know, and you can all find a way through.