I feel so guilty after snog with ex

Last week I went to a party, and met my ex. We’ve been divorced for 10 years, and I remarried two years ago, although he remarried immediately. He’s is now on this third wife.

He always was an attractive man, but funnily enough, as he’s aged, he looks better than ever. We’re both in our 40s, he lives abroad, so we’ve never kept in contact. We had no kids, so there’s no bad feelings really, except a little pang when I remember catching him doing ‘overtime’ when I called in to his office unexpectedly to take him a pizza. Ah well. It’s all in the past.

Now my new husband is everything I could possibly want. He adores me, isn’t great in the sack but adequate for a pre-menopausal woman, and I like him a lot and respect him hugely.

Anyway – that party. My husband was on business, I’d been invited to a trade show party, and there was my ex! Instant chemistry, as ever.

We both got pretty blotto on free champagne, and he invited me over to his hotel. I climbed in the taxi with him, and it was only when we were getting out of the taxi, after very familiar smooching for the entire journey, that fresh air and real life hit me in the face.


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Actually, I didn’t want to be unfaithful to my caring husband. So I opted out, stayed in the taxi, and went home, where I had a bath, cried buckets, and finally climbed into bed.

I can’t forgive myself. Whatever was I thinking? I know that on paper and in the flesh I’ve done nothing wrong except to have a good old snog with someone who always knew how to turn me on, and still does.

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It’s rocked my confidence, made me feel dirty and cheating, and when my husband came home, I cooked him a special meal and did all the sexual things he likes.

The ghost of my ex is still there and so is this feeling of betrayal. I feel as bad as if I had slept with him, but I know I did the right thing and rejected him. Can I get over this?

Barbara says: Not if you make such a big deal about it. It was a mistake, a very small one, and certainly doesn’t amount to a betrayal. We all feel comfortable with those we’ve shared a history with. It doesn’t mean that we can rewrite the ending, but it doesn’t stop the history. Say after me, ‘I did nothing wrong!’ Please get over it. You really did do the right thing.

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