Is whirlwind romance a scam?
I’ve kind of fallen in love with someone, he’s proposed to me and I’ve accepted, but I wonder if this is some kind of scam?
My friend suggested that it might be, and I wondered if you might be able to give me some advice. It really has been a whirlwind romance that started two months ago and he proposed last month. I met him through my parents – would you believe? Anyway, they haven’t been too happy with me since I divorced three years after my arranged marriage. It’s a really bad thing to divorce and my relationship with my parents has been rather frosty since I moved back down here after living with my impossible husband in Glasgow. I’ve got a pretty good job, enough to keep me, but I do feel lonely sometimes and I wish my marriage had worked out, but he was just a control freak who wouldn’t let me leave the house. So you can imagine my surprise when my parents invited me over to a meal with them to meet a ‘second cousin’. Turns out that this man is the most beautiful man I’ve ever met. He’s only 21, five years younger than me, but he’s got everything in the right place. He’s just finished a basic language course and should have returned back to his own country, but is hoping to go on and get a job and stay here. He’s been round to my flat a couple of times, and heaps gifts on me, and his warm lips, too! He doesn’t speak English very well, but loves the UK and wants to stay here he says. He picked me up from work one day and I introduced him to my friend. I’d told her he’d proposed. The funny thing is that she says she’s seen him before, with another woman that he seems to be living with. She’s asked me if this is going to be a real marriage or if it’s just a way for him to get residency, here, and that’s brought a doubt into my mind. I know he doesn’t have the right to stay here beyond February which is when our marriage is due to happen. My parents insist that he’s on his own, but he’s never invited me round to his place. In fact, he’s a bit cagey about his address as he says he keep moving his lodgings and camps out with friends. Also, marrying a divorced woman who’s older then he is, isn’t too good a thing to do for a young man in our culture. I have British nationality as I was born here. Do you think this could be a scam? Has he pulled the wool over my parents’ eyes? If I marry him, will he leave me as soon as he can, or just go on seeing this other woman, if there is another woman? With one failed marriage behind me I just wanted perfection this time, and I thought I’d found it. My friend says it’s too good to be true, and I need to check him out. What do you think?
Barbara says: I think you might be right to be cautious, but don’t make sudden decisions. Your friend may be wrong. So, if you can afford it, get a private detective to do some snooping. Better safe than sorry. And please bear in mind that your friend may be jealous. On the other hand, she may be watching out for you.