Long live the classic entertainers

If you’re anything like me, you’ll be small, loud and addicted to chocolate. Also, and more to the point, you’ll be a firm fixture on your sofa of a Saturday and Sunday night as you watch the latest goings-on in X Factor. Yours truly is yapping on BBC radio about it every Monday (plug plug).

Now, Sky, that bastion of classy programming, has commissioned a follow-up to its inexplicably entertaining reality TV show Pineapple Studios, which, quite brilliantly, had bemused newsreader Michael Burke providing the voiceover. If this blurring of the lines between news and frivolity continues, we can expect to see Bruno off of Strictly Come Dancing presenting Channel 4 News in no time.

The new show is called Showbiz and will feature a young Islingtonian who goes by the name of Scarlletta and lives in Chapel Market. Chapel Market? Eh? Where? In the jacket potato stall?

Scarlletta is apparently not her real name (it’s Laura – yawn) and she is an electro-pop performer. For those of you of a certain age, this means she makes music that sounds like somebody switching the lights on and off with a bit of warbling over it.

Scarlletta is one of 20 hopefuls on the show. If the audience likes her, they’ll ask her back for more. If they don’t, she’ll be back to her job at the call centre (NB not me being snarky – she actually used to work at a call centre. Nothing wrong with that!)

Either way, if the photo of Scarlletta that the Gazette printed is anything to go by, she needs to earn some serious money fast as it doesn’t look as though she can afford enough clothes. In her corset and no tights, Scarlletta must be freezing. Cover up woman – it’s nearly November! Good luck in the show, dear, and buy a coat for goodness’ sake.

Of course, it’s the classic performers who we’ll always love. As the sad news about Norman Wisdom’s death reached us last week, it emerged that he made his stage debut in Islington. He played at the Collins Music Hall in 1945 and was sixth on the bill! I bet he was wearing enough clothes as well. RIP, comic genius – Islington was lucky to host you.