Looking for a silver lining

I’m in a good news mood at the moment. More so than usual. Regular readers of this column (hello Leon, hello parents) will know that, although I can be a little bit cynical, I do like to stay on the chirpy side of the street and celebrate all that is sparkly and shiny, even when that sparkle and shine is difficult to find on the streets of Islington.

So imagine my dismay when I read the latest issue of the Gazette. Nearly every story was horrifyingly awful (the story, not the writing – keep up the good work, journalists) and made me feel super sad! Do I want to pass this on to you and make you feel super sad as well? No! There’s enough else in life to do that!

This week, therefore, it has been my personal challenge to find the silver lining in even the cloudiest of Gazette stories. Think of me as your news Tinkerbell, dusting magic fairy dust across the horror, distracting you from the awfulness of life and the terror of our inescapable fates. I’m sure I’m cheering you up already!

First up is a shocking story about two arsonists setting a rabbit hutch alight in Archway. If you think Archway is no place for little rabbits, then a fire is a much worse place for them. I don’t know why anyone would want to torture a pair of innocent pets.

The Gazette described them as “traumatised bunnies”, a phrase which nearly sent me over the edge myself. The silver lining here is that the bunnies – Smokey (in hindsight, an unfortunate choice of name) and Coffee - were rescued by a quick-thinking neighbour. That’s twenty happy points right there!

Next up is the news that a “house of horror” in Finsbury Park was discovered last week. The house contained both heroin and shady characters and – yuck alert – there was excrement all over the floor. I would have expected that in the aforementioned bunny hutch, but not all over a carpet. The silver lining here – and I had to work quite hard to see it – is that all of the people in the house were living each other, and not with you or me, so we didn’t have to put up with their disgusting living habits! Thirty happy points achieved!

Tune in next time as I draw smiley faces on election posters around Islington.