No magical mystery tour

Listen up, mean thieves. Stealing, like wearing navy with black, is a very bad thing.

I’ve never actually stolen anything. I’d rather just covet other peoples’ oxen from a distance rather than getting my hands mucky. Other people don’t seem to mind whose stuff they run off with. This week has seen the theft of a massive VW camper van from our streets. A whole camper van! How did the thief smuggle that up his shellsuit?

Sadly, vehicles get nicked every day, so why should this story deserve our attention? Well, it’s the van’s back story. You know, just like on X Factor, when a singer sounds decidedly average but their back story is like EastEnders without the joy, so they get voted through.

The owner of said van, Chris Evans, was about to take his young family around Europe in it this summer. Let’s just pause to clarify that we’re not talking about Chris Evans the bespectacled radiomotormouth but Chris Evans the marketing professional who lives in Tufnell Park. Ironically, Chris Evans thebespectacled radio motormouth just bought a car for �12million. Maybe he could buy Chris Evans the marketing professional who lives in Tufnell Park a replacement van too? It cost �2,000, which is small fry by comparison.

Chris (marketing, not radio) was planning, according to the Gazette, a “three week bohemian adventure”. Can there be any finer type of adventure? Chris said that when he discovered the van was nicked from its spot in Mountview Road, N8, he had a “horrible sinking feeling”. Of course he did! He was going to take his partner and babies around Europe in it! All of those wonderful family moments dashed in an instant. No lasagne in Rome, no yodelling in the Alps, no getting lost and having a row by the Seine.

I think we should all have a good hunt for the van and make sure Chris gets it back so the family can have their adventure. Much as I like to imagine the camper van as looking just like the Magical Mystery Van off of Scooby Doo, complete with psychedelic paint and sandwich-loving talking dog, it was white with distinctive sliding doors and the registration G63 VKN.

If you see it, give the Gazette a ring. And could somebody send this article to Chris Evans the bespectacled radio motormouth?Maybe he could help his namesake out.