Sex is never on my agenda

Last month I read some comments made by Stephen Fry, and I saw red. What he was suggesting was that men were naturally gagging for it and women just used sex as a meal ticket. Couldn’t agree less.

I’m around his age, a gay man, and quite frankly, sex isn’t on my agenda, anywhere. I’ve been called a ‘prude’. Or you could say I’m picky and have sex only if it’s demanded of me. Sometimes I’ve enjoyed it, in a perverse way, and mostly I haven’t.

Men have called me frigid. Some have thought that my resistance just meant I wanted to get them make a commitment to me. I don’t think I have a low sex drive, I just think I know what I like, and haven’t seen much of it yet.

A lot of the straight women I work with feel the same way. We can all get it if we want it, and go out looking, but maybe some of us think there’s more to a relationship than sex, and that sex can get very tacky at times. Am I out of order in thinking sex is over-rated?

Barbara says: No. Every individual’s sex drive is personal. And working with, and sometimes against, that personal drive is the partner, whoever it is.

Don’t fall into the trap of thinking, as Stephen Fry did, that sex is somehow a gender or sexuality issue. It isn’t. It all depends on who perhaps unexpectedly floats your boat, when, and how.

The right person, the right time, the right touch, the right connection, the right motives – sex isn’t simple. It’s also something you should never make big statements about, or have a decisive view about. Keep your mind and your sex life open to anything. Fry, much as I love him, fried himself to a crisp on this one!