She doesn’t want me now I know her age

I’m 25, fairly successful on the lower rungs of a film commercials’ company, and have met a woman who’s blown me away.

She’s European, feisty, sussed, wonderful company, and great in bed, although I saw she can be rather shy about sex in an odd but interesting kind of way.

She always wants to make love either by candlelight or firelight, won’t sleep in the same bed as me, won’t share a shower or bath with me. She’s a bit older than me, at 29, as she told me, and she was quite upfront about this once we started to get interested in each other.

We met when she was doing hair and make-up for a shoot I was on, and we clicked instantly. She’s so funny, and clever, and experienced, and has a business head on her like I’ve never known before. She runs various make-up, beauty and similar businesses, globally, and just knows everyone who is everyone.

But the wheels have just come off this relationship, and I don’t know where to go next, or what to do.


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I’ve been seeing her for six months. However, recently I met a director from her country and happened to mention that she was my girlfriend. He smiled, and said, ‘So you’re her latest toy boy?’ and I said yes, because I’m that bit younger than her. So then he started telling me about how extraordinary she is, about her previous marriages, her cosmetic surgery, her kids, and how well preserved she is for 43.

I just kind of nodded. When I got home, it all fell into place – the candlelight, the ‘shyness’ and how very sussed and capable she is. But I thought that actually I don’t mind that at all. She’s my first older woman, but she’s such an amazing woman, that I don’t particularly care. It’s not like I want to marry her or anything.

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Then when I tried to tell her all this, she blew a fuse. At first she said the guy was misinformed and had her mixed up with someone else. She was very angry, then tearful, calling him a liar, and I just shrugged and said it didn’t matter to me. But she won’t change her mind, and admit to her age. I can’t see what her problem is.

She won’t speak to me or answer my texts as she says I’m a damned liar and have insulted her, but I checked her out, and yes, she’s 43. I don’t want her money. I just want her company. Toy boy or whatever, I actually seriously love this woman. She makes me laugh, turns me on, keeps her independence, looks stunning and is super-clever.

But she won’t have me back unless I admit that I’ve seriously insulted her and have to agree that she is 29. Are the wheels off, or can they be put back on, somehow?

Barbara says: The wheels are off. Clever women in the internet age can’t take years off their lives. It worked in Hollywood, but it doesn’t work now. She’s wonderful, exciting and has the years of experience of life that make her successful and appealing. But she’s a liar. Let’s call it like it is. She probably hasn’t met anyone before who doesn’t care that she’s not a spring chicken. It’s her problem. If it’s going to work, she’ll call you and come clean. Meanwhile, move on.

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